Do You Ever...

Do you ever feel such happiness you don't know how to express it.....but at the same time you're incredibly sad?

Do you ever feel greatly needed.....but invisible as well?

Do ever feel like you are were you are meant to be.....but like you need to be somewhere else, too?

Do you ever feel like a giant knot, unable to untie yourself, not knowing where to start? You probably have felt this way at one point or another. Maybe you, whoever you are, feel this way right now. Well, you aren't alone. I feel this way, too.

I think as Christians, we are pretty much destined to feel this way at some time or another. Why? Well, I think it reminds us that this isn't where we belong. This world....it's not our home and we are never going to feel content in it. Or at least we shouldn't. I think these confusing fluctuation of feelings is one of God's ways of drawing us closer to Him. It is a way to yank us out of our safe little bubbles and make us face reality.

No one likes to face reality. I certainly don't. Reality is painful. Reality is ugly. Reality demands that you change or conform and as Christians, we are called to resist and change. Change hurts. Change takes work. I think we all could use some change.

Believe me, I don't want to tackle the effort change takes whether it be spiritual change, mental change or physical change. It's work and it's hard. You're going to stumble so many times you might as well give up on being clean. You're going to curse yourself and you're going to wonder what the point in all this is, whether it is worth it.

I ask myself these questions every single day. Every day. Often many times a day and most often I look at my progress, or lack thereof, and feel despair. I can't say that I have ever truly gotten past a lot of my personal demons. I can't say that I find change easy or that I am a good Christian who pushes forward and blesses the Lord as she does so. I can't claim any of that.

But I wish I could. I think it is that desire, the desire to be the person we'd LIKE to be, the person we want others to see, that keeps us going a lot of the times, that makes us want to change. I also think it is only along the way that we change our mindset to just wanting to be what God wants us to be regardless of what everyone else sees. I don't know if this is the right motivational factor to be changing for, but...I know a lot of people do it.

Once again, I don't know the purpose of this post. I think I just needed to mind-dump at the moment. Lucky you! LOL

Seriously, I don't know what my point was. Sorry for rambling.