Despair

Why is it when you feel like crap or you're sad, you do the one thing that is going to make you hate yourself even more?

And what happens when you reach a point where you DO hate yourself and you don't want to go down the road again...but you've given up hope that you will ever be free of these chains about you?

How do you escape? How do you forgive yourself?

I know Jesus is the answer. I just wish I understood how to apply Him or His strength or mercy or salvation or whatever it is that is supposed to help to the situation.

Or is it that I am not supposed to do anything and just let Him take over? And if this is so, how do I simply surrender without picking up the burden again?

I wish I had the answers. I wish I didn't hate myself.

And no, I didn't write this to get sympathy or attention. I wrote it because I need to face what I am becoming. It's about time I did.

Please pray for me.